Before we begin, let me explain what follows:

This quarter I took Classics H222 - Greek Myth - which was taught by Fritz Graf.  For our essay final, we were given three prompts to chose from. I picked the third prompt, which was to write my own etiological essay. Now that I set it up a bit, here it is!  Please leave comments below to let me know what you think.

The Etiological Myth Concerning the Origins of Black Holes, Humanity and Computers

Truthfully, Graflink, the mightiest Forbearer and God of Gods, has commissioned me to tell this account of Graflink’s creations, Havelmark’s fall, Fiehmel’s insight, and Humanity’s outsourcing of work. I, Kyle Tolle, can neither pass the chance to relate a story of such significance, nor bear to lose the special spot in history given to those few who act in accordance of the wishes of the lordly Graflink.  A specific time cannot be given for the start of these events because they transpired before the beginning age of the Earth, by which we Humans measure the passing of time.  The events I shall relate, though, did happen shortly after Graflink, the fairest Right, broke the siege of His awful Brothers, routed their shocktroops, and sent His Brothers’ splendid corpses and stale souls to the bleak Static, where they are now bound, for truth.

Then, the Githeons, those Gods who had fought on the side of the most honest Truth Graflink, bowed in subservience, faithfully pledged devotion, and raised loud acclaim to Him who justly deserved their attention.  Thereafter, Graflink lamented for many Earth-Ages the treason of His now-lost Brothers.  His grief eventually gave way to a desire to create.  It was then that Graflink, our boundless Instantiator, conceived a spherical mass on which many things could live and thrive, along with many surrounding masses.  And soon did He begin to assemble the masses, as well as create the complex rules which would govern the system.  So intricately did Graflink weave the threads of this scheme that, even with His staggering mind and power, Graflink, the Craftsman of all Order, spent much time performing the mathematical calculations necessary to support this far-reaching infrastructure.  I have heard rumors from the Lesser that Graflink indeed spent many eons calculating these fine details.

The sounds of Graflink’s workings did reach the ears of Havelmark, the God of Having and Hoarding, one of the Apathetic (those Gods who fought neither with Graflink nor the Brothers), and so drew the original Collector’s attention.  Within Havelmark did stir the desire to have Graflink’s creations, and this shift away from Apathy proved significant.  On the outer stretches of the system, Havelmark lurked; watching and observing, thinking and longing.  Not long did he idly crave these awesome things which Graflink produced.  Havelmark, that great Assembler, silently skirted the outlying places - gathering and heaping all he could reach without arousing suspicion from the chief Architect or those loyal to Him.  The more Havelmark took on, the slower he moved and the larger he grew.  It eventually happened that Havelmark took one too many things and, with a blinding flash of light and terrific boom, turned into a gaping Void; Havelmark became the first Black Hole.

Graflink diligently and precisely calculated the formulae and numbers necessary to bring our world to fruition, until His concentration was rent by Havelmark’s transformation. His surprise turned into confusion as He saw nothing where He looked.  So He questioned the Githeons, “What fiendish disruption is this? Who stalls my progress?”  After receiving no response, He turned His question to the Apathetic.  One sluggish god came forward and said, “Havelmark is he. The Having now has but still gathers more.”  Graflink had His answer and went to confront Havelmark at the outskirts. As He approached, Graflink felt Himself pulled strongly toward the black disc which encased Havelmark.  Graflink situated Himself so as to not be pulled toward Havelmark’s mass and looked around.  All manners of matter were moving from the very universe Graflink was creating toward the Black Hole.  As the pieces of matter drew closer, they sped faster and faster, until they disappeared beyond the desolate horizon of Havelmark’s greed.

Graflink asked Havelmark, the fell Hoarder, “What reason for such interruption can you give?” The clearest Wisdom waited for some time, expecting Havelmark’s answer, but no reply did return.  Graflink put forward the question again, and again heard naught but silence. Then the fairest Right rephrased His inquiry, in hopes of resolving the issue by other means than force.  A battle would certainly be lengthy and delay His efforts toward completing His cosmos.  Still no reply was ever made and after substantial postponement, Graflink could no longer bear to see His universe slowly consumed.  Graflink again enlisted the ranks of the Githeons, who number too many to enumerate here, to battle the rogue Havelmark.

Graflink and the Githeons launched a brutal assault on Havelmark’s Void; first with volleys of power, force and dread. These missiles only disappeared beyond the horizon, like the matter the Black Hole ate at an alarming rate, and fed the strength of the yawning Oblivion.  A second attack of fearsome brute strength came shortly thereafter, only to quickly end in disaster.  Any God who attempted to wrestle, grasp or move Havelmark stepped past the horizon, which was not a tangible barrier as first believed, and was never seen again.  Graflink ordered the Githeons fall back, and pondered what next to do.  Despairing, Graflink broke from His worry and created a tool to assist Him with His now-delayed calculations and formulae.  On the face of the half-completed Earth, He placed us Humans and gave us instructions to reckon, gauge, and determine the variables, constants and identities which support the great infrastructure.  A vast number of Humans were created so that, even though our individual contributions are small, a large group might supply some meaningful data.  As Graflink turned His will back to the chasm of Havelmark, our ancestors toiled and wrestled with thought and numbers.  And so the beginnings of science were early laid.

With work on the universe resumed by the early Humans, Graflink felt a brief bit of hope.  He next summoned the craftiest, most devious and trickiest of the Githeons and picked their wily minds for any idea of how to deal with the immovable Havelmark.  None of these proved fruitful; much energy was spent with nothing to show.  Graflink sighed and the Githeons’ morale sank as yet more pieces of the universe disappeared into Ruin.  But then, from seemingly nowhere, the meek, slender-throated Lesser Goddess Fiehmel appeared beside Graflink and said, “You cannot move Havelmark, but can You not move Your system from his reach?”  For all the craft and wisdom of the Githeons and Graflink, this side of the solution had never occurred to them.   Graflink quickly roused the Githeons and tasked them with the relocation of His universe.  Pieces which had already been pulled too close to Havelmark were reluctantly accepted as lost, but the rest they laboriously moved out the Void’s deep gravitational pull.  Without a source to feed the Oblivion’s insatiable hunger, Havelmark consumed what he had gathered up to that point, until it was eventually gone. Left with no choice, Havelmark devoured himself; after which the Black Hole finally shuddered and collapsed – the Having had and lost.

Relieved, though weary, Graflink turned His attention back to His system; something He had not done for many an Earthly eon.  The mightiest Forbearer was surprised to see Humans not calculating as He had originally set our course. Rather, He saw us relaxing or farming or some even sleeping.  Curious about our disregard for His divine appointment, He questioned many of the throngs of Humans.  A single reply was heard: “Computational Engines.”  Our ancestors told the boundless Instantiator of Fiehmel’s visit to earth, before she appeared to Graflink with the Havelmark solution.  Empathetic for the toils of the Humans after watching the labors of her kin, she worked so that an engine might calculate and Humans relax.  How much more appropriate for an inanimate machine to suffer such computational drudgery than the creative minds of our kind.  Graflink argued not with Fiehmel’s insights and so she is the reason why today machines do toil: so that we might enjoy the universe created by the honest Truth Graflink and saved from the hoarding Havelmark and his Black Hole by the slender-throated Fiehmal.