Kyle Tolle reading ‘So I Called a Sex Line’

So my undergraduate career is coming to an end. Luckily, I have a job for after I graduate, and seeing as it is out of state, I have to orchestrate my getting out there.  So I was calling around to some moving companies today, trying to get quotes.  I’d heard about one through a friend and looked up their number on their website.

I call the number, hear a voice but the call was dropped or something. So I call back. This time the call doesn’t get dropped. I’m a bit confused, because the lady reading the recording I hear sounds a bit too excited to be a moving company voice.  She keeps talking, and that’s when I hear, “You’ve come to the right place for nasty talk with big busted girls who love to get off. Shoot your load between a pair of double Ds…” And that’s when I notice, I’ve reached a freaking sex line?!

So it turns out I was one number off on the moving company’s phone number, which lead me to that sexy sexy lady… recording. Only $1.99 a minute? That’s definitely better than how much it’s going to cost me to move my stuff. I’ll definitely enter my credit card number.

And that’s when I decided to dial the correct number and get that quote.

Kyle Tolle reading ‘Establishing Myself’

My start with computers came around 8th grade; back when you could still do stuff on a computer without the internet. Today, if there’s no internet, the computer isn’t even worth bothering with!  I played some video games, signed up for some writing websites, and even experimented with my own websites, but hiding my identity was paramount.  I always remember hearing people talk about how dangerous it is for people to know who you really are, where you really live, etc.  I would say that’s true for kids, but maybe it was also more about the times.

In the early 2000’s, the internet was mostly static.  You went to pages for information that other companies produced.  Some user generated content was out there, but there weren’t many platforms to enable mass adoption.  On anything I signed up for, even writing websites, I made sure to hide my identity because there were so many evil evil people.  If anyone dare find out my first name and the city I lived in, that was the end of the world!  Skip forward to today (2009, in case you forgot), and the internet is insane! A huge percentage of the internet is user-driven and user-created.  Not only that, but the internet is an area for personal promotion. Blogs, Twitter, portfolios, websites, photo albums, video, and tons of other things are rampant.  Don’t get me wrong, there are still bajillions of people who go by handles, but an ever increasing number of people are going around signing up for these services with their own names.

Since I am a developer (software, art, writing) whose career is centered around the computer and internet, I’ve started using my own name on these websites. Not only does it help make me #1 on the Google search for Kyle Tolle, but it allows me to create a consistent personality across all these services.  My name’s Kyle Tolle and if you want to find me on Twitter, I’m kyletolle.  12seconds: kyletolle.  Personal website: kyletolle.com. Goodreads: Kyle Tolle. You get the picture!  It does really help when there are only maybe 3 Kyle Tolles across the whole USA.  If you see a Kyle Tolle somewhere on the web, it’s quite likely me.

It still wasn’t too long ago when I hid behind other aliases, but I’m definitely moving away from that.  Makes me sad when I can’t change my username on websites like Digg and Last.fm, but oh well.  It feels good to establish myself on the web.  I’m definitely me, and I am now making it known on the internets!  Creating a consistent, recognizable presence across all these different services is a cool experience, especially when I’m known by my name instead of ChalkBoi980090288AJF87.  Hello, webosphere, Kyle Tolle has arrived!

There are times when I’ll sign up with a pseudonym, but those instances are mostly relegated to one-off signups: to get some quick help, or see an article.  If I’m not actively involved with a website, I’m just going in as anonymous.  A side effect of using services with your real name is that you think more before posting. If you’re a douchebag online, people will be able to see that, and will rightly think you’re a douchebag in real life.  Without that wall to hide behind, it’s more important to not be an idiot.  Then again, the types of people who’re abusive on the internet aren’t likely the ones to be interested in developing anything of value in the first place. Oh burn!

Kyle Tolle reading ‘TV Shows I Enjoy’

This post is a chance for you to get intimate with me. And by that, I mean I’m going to tell you what TV shows I watch!

Currently Running

• The Office – Started watching this show back in the second season, I believe. I’ve followed it pretty closely ever since (currently in season 5).  I really enjoy the mockumentary style, humor and characters. I definitely have a love/hate relationship with Michael Scott. Sometimes he’s an oblivious ass, and other times your heart really goes out for him.  Pam is freaking cute; Jim is a very cool guy.  I don’t like the direction they’ve taken Dwight. Now I feel that he’s purposefully being mean and hurtful instead of it being his personality and so not really intentional.  I think the show was better in the beginning, because I feel I laughed a lot more then.  It’ll be interesting to see how the show goes.
• 30 Rock – I recently started watching this show from the beginning and am now caught up to the current season three.  I laugh a lot at this show. The characters are awesome and I love Jack! I’ve been laughing a lot at the episodes, but I’m afraid it’ll go the same way as The Office and just lose its steam. Oh well, I’ll stay hopeful.
• The Big Bang Theory – The opening song is by Barenaked Ladies; need I say more?! Yes, you say? Well, the humor is geeky, intelligent and right up my alley!  The characters are awesome and map to my own life pretty well.  The show’s in its second season and looks very promising!
• Dexter – Started watching this show from the beginning over the summer.  I haven’t seen anything like it before. I really enjoy getting inside Dexter’s mind and getting to know what he sees, thinks and feels.  A dark passenger is something most of us can probably attest to having to some degree.  I think the show was much more about the killing at the beginning and has slowly moved to character/plot development, which isn’t necessarily bad, but I hope they don’t forget about what drew me to the show in the first place (my odd fascination with horror/gore).
• Burn Notice – This show is an action/comedy hybrid and is fantastic! Jeffrey Donovan as Michael Westen is great. Completely believable, awesome voice/narration, and kickass stunts! It even has explosions like you’d expect from an action film.  The filming feels really high quality, probably due in part to it’s location in sunny Miami.  This is a kickass show, and I recommend it to everyone!!
• Psych – Along with Burn Notice, I think this is one of my favorite new shows.  Shawn and Gus are a fantastic pair!  This show probably makes me laugh more than any of the others.  The humor is awesome.  The only thing I do not get are the random movie references, but that’s okay with me.  My favorite episode would have to be Tuesday the 17th because it blatantly rips off the Friday the 13th movies, which I also like!  The show is now in the third season and I think it’s gaining strength!  I’m even considering buying the show on DVD… that’s a serious indication I like Psych.  I barely buy anything anymore.
• The Flight of the Conchords – Initially heard of this show through my friend Emily when I visited her at Kenyon College.  The first season was absolutely fantastic! I am a huge fan of the silly-lyrics-to-funky-music idea!  Hilarious stuff you can actually bop your head to.  I’ll be honest and say I am not so sure I like the second season as much.  Not sure what it is about it, but something just feels off. I’ve heard this from several others as well. There aren’t many episodes in a season, which confuses and saddens me…

No Longer Running

• Leave it to Beaver – This show really resonates with me. Maybe it’s because the Beave is just so freaking adorable and mischevious (like me!). Maybe it’s because the show’s a throwback to a different era that seems really cool (at least on TV).  The characters are great, lessons are wholes0me (something rarely found in any modern show), and it makes me laugh!
• The Shield – Chuck got me watching this show probably about two years ago now.  I blew through the first few seasons, took a bit of time off and then blew through the other ones.  That brought me to the beginning of season 7, which is also the final season.  The show was actually difficult to get in to because it was so fucked up.  Vic and the Strike Team always blew my mind with the twisted shenanigans they pulled.  Season 7 was also incredibly insane and ended really well.  I still can’t believe all that happened. Wow… This show really absorbed me.  I don’t usually do police or drama, but this was a great balance of them all.  It was sad to see the show end, but at least it didn’t just end without some sort of resolution.  I’d recommend this to anyone who likes a good mindfuck.
• Get Smart – The slapstick, silly humor of this show is great! I mean, it’s created by Mel Brooks, so how could you not like it if you like his other stuff?  Don Adams is perfect in the role of Agent 86!  Again, this is one of those classic shows that is a window to what life was like back in the day (except this time with color).  I got the box set of seasons for Christmas and am working my way through them now. Fantastic show!

I do believe this is an exhaustive list of shows that I have watched or watch now.  And now that you have know a bit about my viewing habits, how about yourself? What shows do you like, and why do you like them?  I swear there won’t be any judging on my part, so feel free to open up! I want to get intimate with you… not like that, you perv!  But seriously, I’m waiting.

Kyle Tolle reading ‘Without Mirrors’

One of the first things I do when I wake up is look at myself in the mirror.  It’s right there in the bathroom, and I use it after I get out of the shower to put in my contacts and brush my hair.  I use a mirror several times a day, every day.  I’m sure it’s the same for most Americans.

But what would it be like if we had no mirrors?  What was life like before we had mirrors?  Did we have messier hair and non-perfect makeup?  Maybe we relied a little bit more on other people because we couldn’t get our hair just right without someone to help. Men would still commonly use barbers, since it would be difficult to shave yourself.

More deeply though: would we have less an idea of who we are?   Maybe we’d have a more accurate picture without the superficial layer?  Is the way we physically look really that important?  Self-awareness is a big issue.  We can tell we exist as individuals by recognizing ourselves.  Babies don’t have that ability though, because it takes time to develop.  The test for this is actually called the “Mirror test“. Few animals have self-awareness, but we’re one of them!

Body image issues are largely a product of culture, but I wonder if women back in the days before mirrors were that concerned with looks.  They could have used still water to see their reflection, I guess.  The Wikipedia page for mirrors shows that the earliest were made around 8000 years ago. That’s a pretty long time back!  So maybe they were invented so long ago because it was important to get a sense of what your face looked like.

What about foreign countries or groups of people who live without our lifestyle and have no mirrors? I wonder if there are any profound differences between how they perceive themselves, other individuals, or groups and how we do the same?  It wouldn’t surprise me to learn an anthropologist has already looked into this.  It would certainly be interesting to see the findings.

I wonder if lovers spend so much time gazing into one another’s eyes because they can see their own reflection there!?

What are your thoughts on the issue? What would life be like without the mirrors. How would it impact you if they were suddenly gone? How does looking into a mirror daily affect your self-perception? Do you like what you see? Do you you hate what you see? Do you not care? Let me know!

Kyle Tolle reading ‘Mental Skills’

As I mentioned in my Let’s Talk Workshops post, I have been doing two workshops related to stress management.  I am interested in these sessions, because the information will be good to have as I prepare and make the large transition from undergrad life here in Columbus, Ohio to a full-time position at a large aeronautics company in Colorado Springs, Colorado.

This week has again proved to be a struggle to do the Mindfulness homework, but I did attend the first session of Mental Skills.  I enjoyed the Mental Skills session a lot.  I will admit that when I met the guys who were leading the workshops, they struck me as a bit odd.  After sitting with them for a while, I realized that they just have a different way of dealing with things than most people.  The Mental Skills started off with us going around the circle introducing ourselves and saying a bit about why we were there. (NOTE: Graduating PhD students were all over the place! I can only guess how stressful that is.)

First thing we talked about was a helpful picture to have.  Where we are right now is the Present State (PS) and where we would like to be is the Desired State (DS).  We get from PS to DS by using Resources, which look like arrows pointing from PS to DS.  In actuality, we may try some resources that don’t get us to the DS.  Instead of viewing that as failure, we can use it as feedback and try another resource to get where we want to be.  Resources are the things we’ll be talking about more in the second and third sessions.

Next, we talked about how it’s easier to be nicer to others than it is to yourself.  When something goes wrong, we usually think we’re stupid for doing something wrong, but we can tell others that it’s not that they’re stupid, but a mess-up that can be learned from. Or if a friend is stressing out, we can help them see a different, calmer side of things.  There’s nothing that really keeps us from doing that for ourselves though.  This is the concept of a mental coach.  A part of your brain that sits a little away from the situation and can give you another perspective on things.  If things get stressful, you can talk with your mental coach and see what’s going on, why you feel the way you do, what you can do to get from the PS to the DS.  I think it’s a really interesting idea!

You can actually pick a location where your mental coach “sits”.  Mine is just off to my left side, right up by my head.  I’ve not  had any lengthy dealings with this mental coach yet, but I am trying to take a step back and analyze my feelings more.  Is the way I am feeling appropriate? Is it what I want to/should be feeling? Can I manage this stress better?

We then talked about mental frames.  These are perspectives we can use to look at a situation.  Instead of getting weighed down by despair or some similar feeling, we can try these frames of thought and help ourselves out.  They do not minimize the situation or the stress, they simply help one look at the situation a little differently.

These are the frames we covered:

• Learning – “I’m allowed to discover and figure it out because I don’t know it now.” “I am where I am, but I can develop myself and my skills.” “Do the best I can with how I am now.”
• Opportunity – We all have disappointing and discouraging things, but there is an opportunity in every situation.  See how things can be positive.
• Challenge vs Threat – Instead of seeing things as threats which activate stress, see them as challenges to work on. They’re easier to handle then.
• Healthy – What is the healthy way to respond here? Is the way I am currently responding the healthiest way?
• Curiosity – Look at feelings or situations with curiosity.  Stepping back a bit and analyzing the feelings you have now.  Seeing how to better cope/handle them. Why do I feel the way I do?
• Process vs Outcome – Be present for the moment, but do the best you can in the moment. Don’t worry so much about the outcomes, since all we have control over is the present.

We also talked about writing as a frame.  Writing can be used to later look back at a situation, which gives a different perspective.  I think this is one way of implementing the Curiosity frame.

The second session of Mental Skills will be this week, and I am looking forward to it.  This feels more concrete, practical and “now” than the Mindfulness class.  We’ll see how they both develop though.

Have you heard these ideas before?  If so, where have you heard them?  Do you use any of these frames? Maybe you don’t think of them as such, but maybe you try to look for the opportunity in a situation, try to focus more on the now than the later?  For the most part, this is just a formalization of things I have heard before.  The power is having them all together and making the conscious effort to be aware of them at all times.

Kyle Tolle reading “Let’s Talk Workshops”

I’ve debated whether I should write on this topic, but I have finally decided to.  Lately, I’ve again taken advantage of the Counseling and Consultation Service (CCS) here at Ohio State.  I used CCS a few years back, and decided to return earlier this year after several major stressors tag-teamed on me.  My experience with the counselors there has been very positive.

The person I’m speaking to there recommended me to two workshops they have: ‘Mindfulness for Stress and Anxiety’ along with ‘Mental Skills for Stress Management and Performance Enhancement.’ I will refer to these from here on out as Mindfulness and Mental Skills, since I didn’t even know the longer names until I looked them up.  I’m interested in the workshops because I’ve struggled with managing school, personal life, stress, all sorts of things and want to learn what I can now because moving to Colorado Springs in a few months is going to be a huge change and there’s likely to be a lot of stress come at me before I even get out there.

This is my second week (of eight) for the Mindfulness class, and it’s very challenging.  We meet for 1.5 hours on Mondays, and for the other days of the week we have some homework.  The first week was to listen to the body scan track from the CD accompanying the book we use.  It’s a half-hour meditative track which focuses on breaking out of the “doing” mode and into the “being” mode.  You focus on different areas of your body (each area for a few minutes before moving on to the next; hence the scan) and see what you notice or don’t notice there.  It’s meant to help you slow down, focus on what you are feeling at this moment and look at your observations curiously and non-judgmentally.  In the track, Jon Kabat-Zinn says that this is a chance to step out of clock time. I find that interesting because I have noticed that when I do the body scan, it does feel that the time goes by rather quickly.  It feels like maybe 5-10 minutes instead of 30.

Last week there were a few days I just did not do the body scan.  One day I straight up did not feel like doing it. The second time it was a mixture of not really wanting to do it and it being really late.  For the most part, I do the scan pretty late at night (midnight or after), because it’s hard to get myself to do it any earlier.  This week is turning out to be even more difficult though.  I’m struggling with not seeing a real point to this practice.  Even though this is just supposed to be me stepping back and I shouldn’t feel like I need to accomplish something with this meditation, I want to feel that it’s doing something for me.  The past several times I have done the scan, my mind really wanders and I wonder what the point of me even doing this is.  That’s my judgmental self though.  I’m supposed to note what I think and then turn my attention back to the scan, but it’s hard to not have that thought creep up again, along with other random thoughts.

Along with the tracks, we’re supposed to also do a routine activity mindfully. That doesn’t mean we necessarily slow it down or anything; we’re just supposed to pay more attention while we do it.  You’d be surprised at the number of things you do without thinking about them.  This week, we’re also supposed to keep track of one thing per day that makes us smile.  I am not sure if someone making me laugh really counts. If so, I can think of a few times, but I haven’t really been aware of them at the time (which is the goal).  Other than that, I haven’t really noticed anything that I remember making me smile.  I’m probably just overlooking something.  Another thing we’re to do is the Mindfulness of the Breath track which is a 10-minute meditative track which focuses on breathing (as I’m sure you could guess from the title).  Needless to say, I’ve had trouble getting myself to do this one too.

It’s not necessarily that I don’t want to do the practice, but that I have no motivation or focus. I have zero motivation for classes this quarter and it is leaking out into other areas of my life.  It’s extremely difficult to get myself to eat or go to bed, let alone sit down for 30 minutes (now 40 with the breathing track) and do something.  This is another time I wonder whether I have some degree of ADD.

Mental Skills is a 3-event workshop that had the first meeting today. There seems to be an overlap between the two (Mindfulness and Mental Skills), so I’m hoping that the more pragmatic Mental Skills will help me see a practical use for the Mindfulness.  Jon Kabat-Zinn mentions that we’re not really trying for a goal other than to hopefully see the mindfulness we cultivate during the practices spill over to other parts of our life, but unless we learn what we can really do with the mindfulness to manage stress, anxiety, depression, whatever… what’s the point!? Maybe that’s something we’ll get to in the Mindfulness class.  I will write another post soon about the Mental Skills in more detail, since this one is already rather lengthy.

It’s been a while since I posted and I wanted to throw out what I’ve been up to recently.  I’m interested in hearing from you though. How do you manage stress, anxiety, depression, gloomy days, that sort of stuff? Do you have a method you turn to? Maybe you just wade through it? Maybe something I’m not even thinking of?  This is really an open-ended question, so be honest!

Kyle Tolle reading ‘The Sin of Two Extremes’

The universe is a complex place and humans spend a great deal of time and energy trying to understand it. Removing “unnecessary” intricacy and abstraction are two methods that let us live without getting swamped in the details. If you thought of how many billions and billions of photons hit your retina every millisecond and how your brain processes all those signals, you’d be inundated with information and soon suffer paralysis as all your faculties focused on the minutia. Luckily, our bodies and brains have evolved to let us get the information we really want; whether or not a bear is about to maul our pack-mule Teddy.

College professors are particularly in favor of abstraction. Where do you think all the models of organizational behavior, object oriented analysis, physical systems and human thought come from? They come from taking something really complex, stripping it down to bare bones, and hoping we don’t lose a few bones on the way to the museum. I really am feeling these crummy analogies today!  A few quarters ago I took an organizational behavior class and the professor presented all sorts of models.  The sheer number of models for motivation alone show  there is considerable work to be done. One model did not contradict the others, instead it complemented them. If ever a single model can be had, it will be an amalgamation of all the current, distinct models.

One of the greatest sins of knowledge is boiling down a complex system too far.  The actions humans undertake are not simply good or evil. For the sake of some discussions, it is easier to idealize the world and say that there are only two sides, but once we move out of fairy-tale land, we hit hard times. “Well, that person stole food, but it was for his starving family.” Unless you’re some authoritarian bastard or some anarchistic half-wit, you’d probably agree there is a grey area. (If you are an authoritarian bastard or a anarchistic half-wit, please, keep reading; maybe you’ll learn why you’re dumb!)

Instead of breaking all ideas, problem domains or the universe into two and only two extremes, let’s consider things to be on a continuum.  The person earlier had good intentions but accomplished them in a not so good way. If you consider the person solely evil, you’re just being harsh; if you consider the person solely good, you’re being overly lenient. Even our judicial system (as woefully twisted as it may be) recognizes a gradient in crimes. Treating all convicted criminals like murderers wouldn’t accomplish much, nor would treating them all like juvenile delinquents.

Upon reflection, I noticed that in the carnivore post I said that we need to determine whether animals are like robots or humans.  I recognize this was a huge mistake. It is not fair to say that animals are either robotic or humanistic. Labeling animals one of two ways is really nice and convenient, but it’s a bad idea because, for the most part, it hinders our thinking. A cricket’s mental capacity is obviously different from a dolphin’s and would fall on the robot-human gradient in a different place.

Most humans operate under the assumption that we’re the only beings around that are, as we’d say, human. An interesting question is, “What makes humans intrinsically different from any other animal?” Can we definitively say? I need to look into this topic, because I’m sure greater minds have pondered this. Humans share some likenesses to robots, and vice-versa.  Can we comprehend a being which would surpass us on our end of the “human” scale? That’s doubtful. Is it possible that something could surpass us in reality? It’s possible. Is it probable? I can’t even hazard a guess.

There are cases when a dichotomy is the correct division.  There are either two pennies here, are there are not two pennies here. True or false.  But then again, maybe the answer is conditional or is semantically determined, in which case a continuum would more accurately express reality.  Even “The Sin of Two Extremes” is a case of two extremes. I call the division of domains into two extremes a sin, whereas the division of domains into other than two extremes is not a sin. Sin and not a sin. Perhaps I can escape the quandary by saying that on a sin ladder it would get a 9.5. See, I even accommodate other-than-integer numbers and all! Whew, crisis averted.

If, in the future, I mistakenly repeat this terrocious (combination of terrible and attrocious) thought-blunder, don’t hesitate to remind me (kindly; my ego is fragile) via comments at the bottom.  I am also interested in hearing your thoughts. In what way to do commonly commit the sin of two extremes?  Maybe you feel uggs are pure evil and the person wearing them is consequently pure evil? Perhaps you feel cyclists are by default retarded? I’ll stop here because I don’t want to take the fun of introspection away! I do want to hear what you have to say though; I thrive on discussion! Please post your comments on here as oppposed to twitter, facebook or email, because they’ll be better appreciated here in the context of all the other comments!

Today I met my friend Nick at Cazuela’s (Mexican Grill) to eat. I had only woken up an hour previously, so this was going to be my breakfast. We sat down in the booth and looked over the menus (which had become real-looking menus from the time I had been there before).  The first thing he pointed out was the Mucho Macho Burrito. A 12″ burrito made with your choice of chicken or beef for $9.75. But this was no ordinary burrito. There was a challenge attached. This thing was filled and covered with Habaneros (some really freaking hot chilies) and if you could eat all of it within 30 minutes, without leaving the table to go to the bathroom, you got the meal for free.

Even though I am not a big fan of food, I am not afraid to admit that I can put it away when the time is right.  This challenge seemed right up my alley since I hadn’t eaten anything yet that day and I am a fan of spicy foods.  I went ahead and ordered the Mucho Macho Burrito.  Soon enough the behemoth was delivered, and I took a picture of it.

The Mucho Macho Burrito - seen as it was served.

The Battle

As you can see, it’s a weird orange/yellow/brownish color. Appetizing, right? It may be from the chilies it’s concocted from. I started to eat the burrito from the right hand side (yours and my right!). The first bite wasn’t bad. It was hot but not terribly so. Oh! how little did I know of the pain to come. The second bite kicked me in the tongue. This thing was not just hot; it was fiery! My eyes immediately watered until tears ran from them.

I ate half the burrito in 5 minutes. At that point, I decided to pace myself a bit. I had 25 more minutes, so there was no rush. The waitress had kindly delivered an entire pitcher of water to the table, to help me cope with the fire. I drank 2-3 glasses of water to douse the flames licking my mouth… to little avail.  The burrito didn’t even taste good, just really hot. After some time, I set back to it. Eating small bites so I could take a sip of water shortly thereafter. Around this time I asked the waitress for a glass of milk, because I’ve heard milk has something in it to counteract the whatever in chilies. I just don’t feel like looking it up.  The milk was delivered but provided little respite. Curses!

The last 3 bites were the hardest. My stomach felt a little weird and I wasn’t sure if I’d be able to keep the burrito down.  After taking a bit more time, I was able to eat the last pieces of the burrito. I set the plate aside in victory.

The Much Macho Burrito when I finished it; nearly a half hour after I started.

The waitress soon saw the cleared plate and took it away. She then came back with a pen and paper. There was a little process to go through, it seems! I wrote down my name and phone number for them to tell me when I can pick up a shirt. I then had a picture taken for them to put on a wall of people who have eaten the burrito. Finally, I wrote my name in large black letters on a sign near the front door. So if you ever go there, look for my picture and name; I’m pretty much famous, not to mention how Mucho Macho a man I am!

The Healing

Nick paid his check and we took a little more time.  My stomach wasn’t very happy with me, but my mouth was cooling down.  We finally set out though. As soon as I made it out of the doors, I puked on the street. Interestingly, it was mainly the water I drank. My stomach was not very happy. We walked a little further down Northwood Ave and I puked again. And again. In the end, I puked something like 5 or 6 times – all in broad daylight, right on the street.  Very little of the burrito came back up. It was mostly the tons of water I drank to help cool my mouth, which was good because I can’t imagine what the burn of the burrito would be coming back up.

Whew! I felt a lot better after puking. Took it slow getting home, because my stomach was still a bit funny. Got back in my apartment, shaved (since I didn’t have time to before I left to meet Nick), and then laid down on my bed. Ended up watching a few episodes of 30 Rock. Lying down was really the only way to keep my stomach from feeling really weird. After watching two episodes I fell asleep. I mean, I had done a lot in the 4 hours I was up. >_>

I slept for a good 4-5 hours and here I am writing this blog post about the day. The only other thing I have eaten day has been Lifesaver mints. Update: I have eaten a few crackers which went down nicely. Not sure if my stomach will tolerate anything else. But the good thing is I haven’t vomited any more! I hope you have enjoyed this account of the defeat of the Mucho Macho Burrito and my subsequent public vomiting. I have conquered the beast and will never have to face him again.

Listen to these Readings

Kyle Tolle reading ‘Mucho Macho Burrito’

Take this a step further and we consequently see so much of life is re-living, re-hashing and re-doing everything so many billions of people have done before us. People have struggled with morality, weak economies, and cross-country moves before.  Not only have others struggled with it, some have found good ways of thinking about these things.  What I want to do instead of reasoning through life focused on personal, specific problems is to take issues, abstract and generalize them enough to apply to humanity as a whole.

Lately, I have found it helpful to step back a bit from my emotions, look at why I am feeling so, and getting a handle on patterns.  Sounds a bit robotic but getting to know why and how you think isn’t a bad thing. I’ m also taking steps to think more generally when I encounter a problem. Not only do I think of how I can handle the situation, but how people in general might.  I want to harness knowledge, make some sort of core, so people of today and the future can use others’ experiences to get through things and spend their time wrestling all the new issues they will face.

Knowledge does come in two forms though: Explicit and tacit. Explicit knowledge is that which can be stored and transferred easily, like historical facts.  Tacit knowledge is the sort you have to pick up by experience, like how to ride a bike. And even though you have to actually ride a bike to pick up that muscle memory, that’s not to say there isn’t a way to transfer some knowledge on how to go about it. So even for things like dealing with your short temper, there could be a how-to or some guidelines to follow.

I think of physics as a good example. Physics students have to spend some time reinventing the wheel, in order to see how the basics work. But they don’t dwell deeply on the proofs or just how long a time it took for others to come to these conclusions. They learn these things, and quickly move on to more challenging ideas.  Soon enough, they stand on the shoulders of giants and come face-to-face with unsolved problems. Even though they have not built the foundation themselves, they can surely expand upon it.  And this is exactly what I want to do with more general life-knowledge: generalize, codify and retain it. There will be some bit of re-inventing the wheel, but it should be a small amount.

This does beg the question of whether absolute truth exists. I’m sure we could argue semantics all night and day for the rest of all ever, so I will punt and say that regardless of whether “absolute” truth exists, there are some things people should do in certain situations. There is a lot of personality that goes in to how a person thinks, copes and reasons, but the personality sits on top of a base. This base human is what I want to get at.

This essentially highlights the perspective I will hold as I write future posts. I plan to explore my personality, thoughts and life and see how I can generalize the things I come across. I hope to gain some insight and also hear what others have to say about their introspection. One of my life’s goals is to understand another person, but I must have a good grasp on myself first. I really welcome everyone to try this approach. Let’s put these basic, mundane pieces of human life down so others don’t have to slog through them like so many people before.

Listen to these Readings

Kyle Tolle reading ‘Lens Through Which I Look’

Kyle Tolle reading ‘Lens Through Which I Look’ in one take

Kyle Tolle reading ‘Lens Through Which I Look’ in monotone

Veganism

Now, I am not very sure of Vegan beliefs. I am under the impression there are two main schools of thought:

1. Any use of animals for human consumption is immoral. This includes animal flesh, byproducts, etc.
2. Animal products are not necessarily immoral, rather the way animals are raised today for said use is.

From what I’ve heard, Freegans are more generally proponents of #2, because some will eat meat if it will otherwise go to waste.

Where did these thoughts come from? Who knows. What’s important are the assumptions that go into these statements and the implications that arise from their use.

Vegan Assumptions for Humans:

• Humans are omnivores and can live without eating meat.
• The lives of many animals are more important than the pleasure of a single human.
• Humans do not need to use animal products.
• Animals of all sorts are moral agents. (I’m guessing here.)

Now, if we generalize a bit and instead of “humans” said “animals”:

Vegan Assumptions for Animals:

• Animals are omnivores and can live without eating meat.
• The lives of many animals are more important than the pleasure of a single animal.
• Animals do not need to use animal products.
• Animals of all sorts are moral agents. (Again, I’m guessing here.)

Vegan assumptions for animals break down though. Specifically, the first statement. “Animals … can live without eating meat.” I would have to disagree with this statement. There are three classes of animal diets: carnivores, omnivores, herbivores. Animals fall in to one of these three distinctions.

On Carnivores

Carnivores are animals that eat meat. A quick look at Wikipedia shows that cats are indeed carnivorous. Maybe more surprisingly, they are obligate carnivores, meaning they have to eat meat to survive. Their bodies have evolved to specialize in processing meat. Cats cannot properly digest plant matter or even get all the nutrients they need to survive from plants, no matter how how many plants they eat. Some vegan cat foods claim to add these nutrients so that cats need not eat meat. John’s recent experience shows that this is not the case for all cats.

This brings up a very important question. If an animal must eat meat to survive, is killing an animal for that reason immoral? I argue certainly not. Animals have evolved to this obligate carnivorous state.  Evolution precludes personal preference. This evolution was species wide, because it helped them survive some way. Cats did not evolve to be meat-eaters only because they liked it.

It is silly to say that obligate carnivores are immoral . Morality implies a choice. Cats do not have a choice whether they eat meat or not. They either eat meat or die. If anything, it would be immoral for a cat to not eat meat, or their owner not feed them meat, because it would lead to the ultimate suffering and death of the cat.

This is similar to a mentally ill person killing another person. Is this mentally ill person a moral agent? Can we hold them accountable for their actions, when they do not understand their actions (ie. their actions are not a conscious choice)? No. Again, morality implies a choice.

Are Animals Moral Agents?

Going further – can we even consider animals moral agents? Can we hold animals responsible for their actions? Do they understand their actions? This may depend on the animal, really. In general, I would say that animals are not moral agents. If a bull gores a human, I would not consider that bull to be legally liable. Now, legality is a far cry from morality, but still. I don’t think any human would say that bull was morally responsible for his actions and should be punished. If anything, animal rights activists would cry out that punishing the bull would be wrong.

Pain and Suffering

Do animals feel pain? Yes. Can animals suffer? That’s tougher.

What is pain? It is the awareness of some stimulus which causes physical harm. Suffering, on the other hand, is similar to pain, but has a mental aspect to it. The two seem identical, no? Pain is a physical sensation, which would cause some thing to try to avoid it, because it would hurt them physically. But suffering is something only a sentient being can feel, because the mental component adversely affects the being. It is hard for me to really comprehend the difference, because when I feel pain, I suffer. A good analogy would be a robot. A robot could use pressure sensors to feel pain, meaning the robot could sense pressures and when it became “painful” or physically dangerous, the robot could try to avoid this source of pressure. So even though this robot tries to avoid physical injury, we would say it neither suffers from the pain nor would suffer if it were physically injured.

So now we have to decide whether animals are more like humans or robots. That sounds sort of weird, and some may want to lean toward the human-side, simply because they are living. But again, plants are living. Plants are not sentient. The fact that they do not have a brain makes that pretty easy (or maybe not… Remember the Pequeninos?). Are animals sentient? This question is very important when it comes to looking into whether it is moral for humans (an omnivore) to use/eat animals. This is now a bit out of scope and fortunately will be for another time. I have to make you want to come back somehow, right?

Coming to an End

Now, for something I should have thought of earlier. Is it even necessary to consider the morality of carnivores or their food if neither are not moral agents? What if only one is a moral agent? Does it matter which end the moral agent is on? What about when the owner of a cat is a moral agent, specifically one who is vegan? Is it immoral for a vegan to feed another animal to his pet? Are pets even morally justifiable?

If I refused to feed a cat meat, which causes the cat’s death, is it only a problem if that cat is a moral agent? This actually seems to be decide the validity of this entire argument, does it not? Let me know if I have fallen into some quandary by assumptions I didn’t even realize I was making.

Whew, I just came up with enough ideas to last me several posts. I want to hear your feedback though, so I can incorporate them into my posts in the future. Also, this Wordpress blog supports pingbacks and trackbacks, so take advantage of that, if your blog supports it!

Interesting note: This post is longer than the requirement for the final essay for my Greek Myth class. Can I just turn this in?!